Shorts

The Price of Things

It started with a t-shirt. My thirteen-year-old wanted some oversized tee with a brand on it. Someone got him one for Christmas. He wore it everywhere. Then I found out what it cost. It was $95. I sat very still in my chair and took a deep breath.

Then the kid needed a sweatshirt, some hoodie with branding on it. Eventually he got one. Wore the thing everywhere – even in 80-degree weather. Then I found out what that thing cost. $180. I almost fell out of my chair.

Then he wanted shoes. Jordans. Sure. Fine. Kids love their Jordans. So he saved up. Suddenly he was available for any and every odd job around the house—for a price. He was willing to be the first of the season to jump in our lake—for a price. I got suspicious. What do those shoes of yours cost? He told me the number. It was more than the hoodie.

I fell out of my chair.

Why does a teenager need clothes that cost this much? Have you seen what his last pair of shoes looks like? They look like he wore them through a Tough Mudder.

Nonetheless, he wants what he wants. But Mom and I aren’t buying clothes at that price point. I mean, we don’t send him out the door naked. We buy him clothes. Regular clothes. A few nice clothes. Then he goes and outgrows everything in a month or two. So that’s on him. But we do not, we will not buy him anything at those insane price points.

But when it’s his money, I guess he can give it to whoever he wants. Now he wants shorts.

I was one room over when I heard about the shorts. I happen to have excellent hearing. I must have gotten it from my mother. She had unbelievable hearing. You could whisper something you weren’t ready to share with her, and she would shout from two rooms over, “You don’t need a new car!” That was in her late 70s. I’m still well south of that. So my hearing is still quite strong.

So from a room over, I heard it. The number.

I mean, all shorts have a number. Shorts aren’t free. And I’ve been around the block. I’ve seen a lot of shorts. I’ve seen a lot of numbers for a lot of shorts. And I can tell you, there is range. Shorts can go for a little. Or shorts can go for a lot. But this number… his number… Man, oh man.

The shorts he wanted cost $300.

I fell out of my chair. Got back in my chair. Then fell out of my chair again.

And then it hit me. This kid has never bought a pair of shorts in his life. He hasn’t bought shorts for leisure. He hasn’t bought shorts for sport. He hasn’t bought shorts for a summer dinner. Someone else has always bought him shorts. So for all he knows, this is just what shorts cost.

I had to have a look at these shorts. I immediately got on the internet. I Googled $300 shorts. And the first ten things that came up were shorts for $25 to $35. I didn’t want that. I’ve seen those shorts. I’m familiar with that price point. Then I realized—these were sponsored results. Knockoffs. Impostors. The internet trying to monetize me. The internet wasn’t showing me shorts. The internet was showing me ads for shorts. I scrolled down. And there they were.

$300 shorts.

Man. I had to see these shorts from the front—and from the back. Heck, for $300, I wanted to see these shorts from the side. What can I tell you about these shorts? They were like pants that stopped just above the knee. You know. Shorts.

As I said, it started with a tee. Then a hoodie. Then shoes. And now, sigh… shorts. Each item came with a number. Each time, a new understanding of what things apparently cost.

Maybe that’s the difference between us. I’ve spent a lifetime learning what things cost. He’s just getting started.